ok hestia, wake the fuck up, 00000000000000you're nearly dead, this is bad...wake up damnit. wake up. its september, they're drilling holes in walls near 000your 00000head why are you still sleeping?

to do:

get the scooter ride the scooter get job (the temp agency will want you to look normal hestia so start thinking cos your gonna need a plan)get the money get place on MA have very good exhibition go to sister's WEDDING 0000000000travel make sure THEY don't notice that this is all much too difficult for hestia's and that you should have started in the beginners section and not tried to be clever and skip straight to advanced way back in year six.

to echo a dear friend in a recent sms000000000000

000000000000000where is everybody?????? and especially where is amy?00000 amy help, reality bites was real, it was real and it was a sign and we didn't take it we just thought it was a really cheesy film and its actually happening my life is dissolving into torrid piles of used up american cliche's from the last decade and i don't like it. i'm trying to look on the bright sides but there's a kamakazi in my head somewhere trying to fuck shit up. somewhere we'll plant daffodils and they'll come up in the spring.0000000000000

* . ; +}=="^

jump off edges.

m a k e a w i s h q u i c k g e t it a l i g h t b u r n b u r n b u r n

there is more now please go see thank you so everyone always always always this isn't stopping its just breathing love love love begin again tomorrow. ,.x x' x _ - x xx..;"x%^x^= x x+ xxx x

the neighbours think.

i told you coldharbour lane was avant garde.




bet our house is better...

jasmine toddy

ladies and gentlemen may this small hesita peep herewith present to you her humble attempt at curing the pernicious and irritating common cold for your home remedying pleasure take one chinese jasmine tea bag preferably purchased at your local oriental grocery establishment (of which said peep most heartily recommends messrs wing tai of camberwell) replete with golden yellow packaging in the quaintest of styles and individually wrapped in paper, spoons of a superior brand of honey to your own taste (this step must not be avoided and, the peep must stress, is not optional, honey here provides an essential medicinal purpose and is not to be mistaken for a mere sweetener) and steep in freshly boiled water for several minutes having added a healthy slug of the best damned scotch you can lay your hands on.

i suspect dorothy of starting all this

so you see this map demands more. specifically, now, a video of the bonfire at four winds i forgot i made, and my orange dress, which somehow has escaped me wearing it in my videos, unless you count ed wearing it dressed up as me. but emily wore it and i wore it in amy's film, which she's calling sadie and emily was sadie and i was alice and i wore the dress and we smoked a cigarette and then she wore the dress and wound up that bright bright orange ribbon i bought to be mine and then today i watched the bonfire i'd forgotten about and thought about making a video finally where i wore my orange dress (the one that means this is really happening) and i thought between the orange sparks of the dots they'll make in the map and the joinings there'll be from the places where there are already small embers trying to burn and i'll say burn burn burn and there'll be this flaring orange fire we built and then there'll be my dress and it will really be happening and i remembered the post before where i wrote that i wore my orange dress, the one that means this is really happening and that a fire was burning in the grate and i thought the house would turn in against him in anger and burn him up and so i wrote with the soft scented pencils she sadie emily gave me for my birthday, used the orange pencil for the first time, that i wore my orange dress, t h e one that means this i s r e a l l y h a p p e n i n g .

cold harbour

i am looking up houses to let in hastings, and short courses i could do if i lived there, ones about community development and pattern cutting. i could run away now, fuck all this and go be a provincial liberal kook with no qualifications... i could look at the sea every day. i could. i could.

i have only eaten sweets today but some of them were cantonese macaroons pink lychee and raspberry, yellow lemon and cashew, green lime and green tea and white (like a cloud sublimating [idiot]in your mouth) pistachio and coconut they came in a box that looked like it should have jewellery in it, i love it when sharif visits, my toes could taste those babies.

i have at least managed to wean myself off soul-dulling, tooth itchingly m.o.r glastonbury message boards. they are an absolute insult to the festival and i am ashamed of myself.

my hair won't seem to be red.

it is raining. from my window you can smell wet car fumes which seems somehow wholesome and comforting. london is getting into parts of my brain i never told it it could.

i am absolutely, utterly freaking out.

in a seminar last week tina reminded me about that dot matrix paper that my dad (and possibly all dads) used to bring home in the eighties for small me to draw on. and it had bits of codey dads job wierdness on one side and i used to just draw over the top of it and it made me so happy when she said it cos i'd forgotten all about it but that is e x a c t l y what i mean by this work. ..

. ..somehow. among other things...

what he could do, he did

read this. love this. so.

the best girl in texas

i am still bleeding from watching 'bonnie and clyde' the other day. i want to run away with them. i loved it.

♣